Let’s talk about sex

10 06 2010

Working with teen girls, it’s bound to happen. The only thing that suprised me was that it took five weeks of teen girls’ group for the topic to really come up. You know the drill: one girl mentions her bad reputation for giving all the boys in the neighborhood head. Next thing you know I’m flashing back to a bad Lifetime movie about a syphillis outbreak in a junior high.

My coworker and I decided the girls needed The Talk. We just didn’t realize how desperately. How can a person go through life with a vagina and yet know so little about it? These girls are having sex. I can’t imagine how they know where to put all the assorted body parts.

We worked on dispelling myths. I say “worked” because it was, in fact, hard work. An uphill battle. These girls have beliefs, and they don’t want to let them go. The biggest struggle was getting them over the idea that the vagina is some type of Stretch Arsmtrong-like novelty item, that starts off tiny and expands with each new sexual experience.

I’m serious.

The sad part is, they think this because “it hurts. It’s supposed to hurt. Isn’t it?” They’re not enjoying the sex they’re having. They’re not getting anything out of it. They’re uncomfortable, and insecure. They’re having sex because their friends are, because the boys they’re dating will leave them otherwise, and they’ve been brought up to think that losing one’s virginity is an inevitable, unpleasant experience.

It takes a lot to change that. In our ninety minute meeting, we at least wanted to make sure they were safe. Some of my favorite things I learned:

  • The hymen is essentially a binding contract. Every girl has one, and it can only be broken by a penis.
  • If your parents want, they can take you to the gynecologist who will tell them whether or not you are a virgin.
  • Tampons can strike a nerve inside you, leading to instant death.
  • Anal sex is actually pronounced “annul sex.” You might know it by the technical term, “in the bootyhole.”
  • Pulling out is a 100% effective form of birth control, because a girl can only get pregnant if a boy evacuates inside her.

How does one respond to these things, you might ask. Let me share some of my favorite quotes. These are things I never thought I would have occasion to say:

  • “You can put lots of things in a vagina.”
  • “If your stomach hurts and your leg cramps up, you should probably try something else.”
  • “How about money? People have sex for money.”
  • “It’s pronounced ‘ejaculate.’ EJACULATE! You know what, we’ll just say come.”
  • “Yes, that’s correct, in the bootyhole.”

Well then. If anybody needs me, I’ll be driving around the Bronx with a bullhorn, an anatomy book, and an air canon filled with condoms. Play safe, guys.

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5 responses

10 06 2010
Virtual Sinner

I’m a guy, now an old guy, and no one ever had that kind of talk with me. I did have access to a couple “marriage manuals.” And I’m the kind of guy who tended to believe that the book was more likely right than the gossip.

16 11 2010
annette

Another favorite birth control myth I learned from my internship was putting soap on your fingers and “swishing it around up there”. None of the teen moms had a sex talk with their parents before they had sex… But all of them said they would have the talk with their own kids when they were in kindergarten.

16 11 2010
socialjerk

Ah, that is good to know. Apparently “washing it off” also prevents the spread of STIs.

Most of these girls said that they couldn’t take to their mothers about sex. They were desperate for information–acting embarrassed at first, but asking a million and two questions as soon as we got started.

16 11 2010
mjfrombuffalo

THIS:::::: http://stopteenpregnancy.childrensaidsociety.org/

Carrera is AWESOME for teaching sex ed to teens. It’s several sessions long, gets into details like clay models of female reproductive system, etc. We used it in residential foster care for years.

16 11 2010
socialjerk

Thanks for the resource! It looks great.

I’m also a fan of scarleteen.com

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