What was his name-o, again?

10 08 2010

That’s right, we’re talking bingo today. It’s not just for stereotypical old people anymore.

As I’ve mentioned once or twice, we spend a lot of time out in the field. Being “out in the field” sounds much nicer than it is. It actually means that we’re walking the streets of the Bronx, not romping in a meadow. All that walking gives a social worker time to think, plan, and get sweaty on the way to a visit. It also gives us all time to notice certain patterns in our beloved Bronx.

This brings us to “Ghetto Bingo.” It works just like regular bingo- get a full line across, up and down, or diagonal checked off, and you win!

But this is a special edition. No “B6” for us. Instead, we at the office compiled a list of things you’re likely to see in the neighborhood, that will earn you a square.

Get honked at by a gypsy cab? That’s one space. A painfully obvious drug deal going on between a guy on the corner and a stopped car? That’s another one. You can also mark down that open fire hydrant, but only once. Checking it off on every block just wouldn’t be fair.

A pit bull on a chain is another available square. A pit bull off a chain means you should start running. (Another option is to push a friend in the path of the oncoming dog. I was once the one being pushed, so I assure you it really does work, though it won’t earn you any good karma.)

Of course, any kind of sexual harrassment is also worth a square. We’re considering a rule that would make it worth two for men. Getting stuck in an elevator in a NYCHA building will not only give you time to mark down everything you’ve seen, but is also a space on your bingo card.

Spotting anyone drinking a 40 before noon is a space. (When I first started working here, there were so many people lined up outside of one store at 7:30 am, I thought that Apple had released a new product. Turns out they were waiting for the liquor store to open. I have since nicknamed them “The Fanboys of 40 oz.”)

The daytime hooker, the rarest of all the prostitute breeds (popularized by “My Name is Earl”) has her own, richly deserved, square on our bingo cards. Lost, frightened tourists desperately seeking out the Bronx Zoo also get a space. Gang fights have their own as well, but have a similar clause to the pit bull square- when gun shots are heard, it’s time to run.

Disclaimer: Bingo cards available by emailing SocialJerk. Play “Ghetto Bingo” at your own risk. Please maintain a sense of humor during play, remembering that this game was developed by people with a deep love and respect for this neighborhood. Also, wear comfortable shoes.

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6 responses

10 08 2010
Clarita

The day time hooker has to be my favorite I see her 3 days out of the week on 174. I actually found one of her heels the other evening..I haven’t seen her maybe she was running away from the drug dealer with the pitbull or the cops…I’ll never know.

10 08 2010
socialjerk

You found her heel?! I think you get approximately 10,000 bonus points for that.

11 08 2010
Clarita

WEEEEE!!!! WOOP WOOP!!!!!….I’m in tears right now.

25 08 2010
Mona

We totally used to have a game like this when I was in law school called “douchebag bingo.” Essentially, you’d make an actual bingo card with the names of the annoying, self righteous people in your class that were constantly raising their hand to volunteer some inane hypo or smarmy answer.

Every now and again you’d hear a very quiet “Bingo” from the back of the classroom (naturally, we were “back row” kinda students…) and the whole class would just crack up.

Ladies and gentlemen, the future of the legal profession.

25 08 2010
socialjerk

This sounds delightful. If only I had developed it in social work school, for all of my favorite keywords. “…cisgender.” “BINGO!”

We’ll have to get together to combine our talents/evil.

26 08 2010
Carolyn

Have you poor, deprived children never heard of B*llSh*t bingo? With each utterance of the dude at the top of the room (or conference table) such as “24/7” “synergy”; “core competencies”; “at the end of the day” and “in the loop” you get to cross off another square. Try not to yell “Bingo” too loudly as it will disrupt the meeting 🙂

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