People who know me know that I have a problem. An addiction. I need to cope with it.
Does anyone know of any support groups for people hopelessly hooked on Overheard in New York?
I can’t help it. I love eavesdropping. But sometimes I just feel that I can’t relate to all the quotations from NYU students, or homeless people on the subway. I mean, there are spinoffs. But still, I’m left wanting more. So without further ado, I present:
Overheard in Social Work
(I never said I was original.)
“I took four dance classes! Hip hop, ballet, tap, and belly dancing. The only one I skipped was flamingo.” -8 year old
“All right, well my client and I look forward to hearing from you. Have a nice day.”
Co-worker on the phone, hangs up.
“Bitch, don’t fuck with me.”
“I’m praying to Allah to make me good.” – 9 year old boy
“I don’t know where he gets this, we’re Baptist.” -mom
“As-Salāmu `Alaykum!” – 9 year old boy
“The people down the hall are smoking weed in the hallway again. How dare they not ask us to join them.” -Co-worker
“Moooooo!” – 4 year old in a tiger costume.
“I’m going to keep this stuffed chicken in my office. If anyone is feeling frustrated you can come in and smack it around.” -Supervisor
“Can white people eat collard greens?” – mother at an agency picnic.
“Do you have any idea how difficult it is to finance a $200 a day drug habit through panhandling?!” – social work school classmate (who seemed to have some very specific ideas on the subject.)
“He’s just so hypersexual for a 12 year old. Should I tell his mom to get him porn?” – co-worker
When this becomes a big hit, we’ll introduce our own spinoff:
Never Overheard from Social Workers
“We should document more. I don’t feel like I’m writing enough notes.”
“I heart clients with poorly trained dogs.”
“They offered me office supplies, but I really prefer to bring my own pencils.”
“It’s somebody’s birthday? OK, but I’m really not in the mood for cake.”
“Staff meeting? And a brainstorming session? That will surely solve ALL of our problems!”
OK, social workers, get out there and eavesdrop. Everybody do your part.