It was either that or “Overheard Part Deux.”
We’ve been through this before. I find myself hearing and saying things I never thought a human would have a need to say. So let’s get to it.
Overheard in Social Work
“Show me the Carfax!” -7 year old boy pretending to be a dog
“Do not talk about my son’s package!”- 21 year old mother to child’s father, who was talking proudly about his 5 week old son’s genitalia (really)
“I forge my clients’ signatures all the time!”
-co-worker, who was definitely joking.
“Mommy! That’s my butt!” – 2 year old getting a diaper change.
“I need a more detailed description of the apartment.”
“I included how many bedrooms and where it is. Do you want to know about the drapery? Are you redecorating and looking for ideas?”
-overly snarky, fortunately not fired, SocialJerk
“Can you bring brownies this time? I took the leftover cookies home last Thanksgiving, and they got stale after a week.”
-very presumptuous coworker who doesn’t know how cookies work
“Hey, white girl reading Harry Potter!”
-loud man at the bus stop who doesn’t know how nicknames work
“I think that I got so upset when that girl yelled at me because my mother always yelled at me. That was the only way we communicated.”
-15 year old girl. (Seriously)
Still Never Overheard in Social Work
“I need more passwords. I’ve got one for the computer and three for different programs, but I really feel that we need more security.”
“You know, I really wish my clients weren’t so darn punctual! Can’t they relax a little?”
“It’s just as well that I just missed that bus, now I have time to catch up on my knitting.”
“I’m here to remove your children, the police are waiting downstairs…OMG I’m totes kidding. You should have seen the look on your face!”
“They offered to paint the office, but I think ‘hospital-white’ gives the place a homey feeling.”
Go forth and be nosy, everyone.