I apologize, but I’m probably going to sing.

6 08 2012

I have been a big fan of musicals for some time now. I was raised in a large family of cousins, with only two boys. This meant that essentially every family gathering involved cajoling the two of them into playing Kurt and Friedrich while we acted out The Sound of Music along with our VHS tape.

Everyone does that, right?

As I progress in my illustrious career, I realize how much those kids could have benefited from a social worker. Grieving a dead parent, acting out inappropriately…not to mention running from Nazis. That will leave a mark.

Don’t get me started on Spring Awakening. If only Wendla had attended a girls’ group, she wouldn’t have been so naive about unprotected sex and might still be with us!

I could hardly sit through Next to Normal. (Despite the fact that it is awesome.) A bipolar woman grieving the loss of her child felt a little much like a day at the office.

Les Miserables is kind of an ode to child protective services. Hey, who wants this little girl? Anyone? Let’s leave her with this random family, I’m sure it will be fine. Kids love sweeping!

The Sharks and the Jets might have avoided tragedy and many many deaths in West Side Story if there had been a community organizer doing some gang outreach work.

Of course, Book of Mormon gives us the self-care answer we all need when it comes to feelings. “Turn it off like a light switch. Just go flick. It’s our nifty little Mormon trick!” It’s not social work-y, but totally necessary.

I often listen to various original cast recordings while I’m running all over the Bronx. It keeps me going.

So of course, I got to work on “Social Work: The Musical! (If Bat Boy can be amazing with such a silly name, so can this.) I’m thinking Sutton Foster for the lead, I’m sure she’ll be happy to do it.

We’ll start with Act I:

Voicemail #1

In a blatant ripoff respectful nod to Rent, our social working lead and her coworkers leave and receive increasingly desperate voicemails.

“Will you make your court date?
It really cannot wait.
This has to go as planned,
Or they’ll request remand.
Which we all really hate.”

Beeeeeeep.

Run While You Work!

We’re introduced to our plucky heroine’s fast-paced world of social work while she runs away from a gang shooting, in this energetic, rock opera style opening.

Why Don’t You Call?

A heartbreaking ballad in which our main character laments people’s inability to phone when they’ll miss an appointment. “Call” will be rhymed with “downfall” liberally.

Voicemail #2

“My foodstamps are no more!
Somehow I spent them all.
Come take me to the store.
Can we get alcohol?”

Beeeeeeep.

Pee in a Cup? Yup Yup!

The workers gather to convince teenagers that everyone who’s anyone is agreeing to their drug test with no problem. Obviously, this is our big dance number.

My Cardigan

This is another emotional one, in which our protagonist recalls all of the good times she had with her sensible, knitted friend, prior to losing it during a day of home visits, school visits, and public transportation.

Voicemail #3

“I’m at your building gate
But I can’t get by
The drug dealers are eyeing me
Come get me or I fear I’ll die.”

Beeeeeep.

Why Don’t You Call? (reprise)

The company joins in on this one, because seriously, just fucking call.

Act II is still in the works.

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17 responses

9 08 2012
mjfrombuffalo

SPOILER ALERT!!!!! I’ve never seen Spring Awakening 🙂

9 08 2012
socialjerk

It was written in 1891, spoilers simply cannot apply.

9 08 2012
socialwrkgirl

can’t wait to see it – i’ll buy advanced tickets now 🙂

9 08 2012
socialjerk

YES! I think New York Theater Workshop will be an appropriate place to start. I hope you’ll consider auditioning!

10 08 2012
socialwrkgirl

i’d love to, but i sing off key. can we plan a part for a Sugar Motta type girl who “cant sing” but then blends ok? (I can blend, I can’t solo)

9 08 2012
KatjaMichelle

I teared up a bit when it came to the lost cardigan. Not sure I’m strong enough to see that scene…maybe I’ll cover my eyes and someone can tell me when the sadness has passed

14 08 2012
socialjerk

It was equally difficult to write.

9 08 2012
SocialWrkr247 (@SWrkr247)

Omgosh, somebody please produce this musical!!!

14 08 2012
socialjerk

I will let you know as soon as I get the Kickstarter going!

10 08 2012
crazysocialworker

hahaha love it!

14 08 2012
socialjerk

Thank you!

10 08 2012
carolynsocialworker

Truly hysterical! I love it and many of my colleagues (particularly one that is in awe of Glee) will love to be in it 🙂

14 08 2012
socialjerk

I am always excited to connect with other Glee-ful social workers 🙂

11 08 2012
Pat

Sing away, can’t hear you. Got my ear plugs in. What? Oh, why? Because otherwise I hear too much of what is going on in the world and I can’t get on a write.
So why am I reading your lovely funny blog?
Ear plugs don’t stop me reading. You can’t have everything.

14 08 2012
socialjerk

I will sing away! Thanks for reading 🙂

20 09 2012
Katherine Wooten

This. Just…this. I’m already humming along.

24 09 2012
socialjerk

I’ll let you know when we start previews 🙂

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